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All around me was silence, well that's not exactly true. The rain was making a pattering sound on my soft-top and the car made the occasional clicking sound, like metal cooling. The car had stalled, the lights were on, and I was still pressing the brake for God's sake. Shit! I looked back willing the car to turn before it got any closer. Then I thought, maybe if I turn my lights out they will pass right by me. So I did that. Now it was very dark and the rain was mind numbing. I could not see a thing other than the lights coming up the highway.Please, please, don't be a cop. Just drive by. Don't stop. Just drive by. I just sat there looking at the lights getting closer thinking of how I was going to get out of this, wondering why me, why fucking me! If I had only just stayed home tonite, damn it! The car appeared to be slowing and now I had to think of something quick! Duck down? No, they had to have seen the brake lights and me turning off the lights. Plus if it was a cop I would. Since returning from my abortive leave I had retreated into a bubble of self-pity, guilt and anger, but now that I was interacting with the boys, and discussing with them how we felt about what we had seen in Bosnia, I began to sleep better at nights, and the incidence of flashbacks fell. I remembered the psychiatrist at the sniper school held the theory that PTSD sufferers began to be affected when they were away from their unit, his rationale being that physical closeness with comrades, and the inherent cohesion of belonging to a unit, delayed the onset of PTSD.Although I knew I didn't have PTSD I had been having flashbacks, with the occasional nightmare filled night, which were symptomatic of the disease, although I was in daily contact with my section and platoon. Obviously Captain Stanley Livingstone's theory was flawed. At least that is what I first thought, until one evening in the NAAFI.I'd had a few pints, and a game of darts, with some of the lads from the section, and was.
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