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Its nothing you said, its nothing youve done, its what you cant say or do thats making me feel this way. Sorry, sis, Im confused here. Whatever it takes to make you feel better, Id do it, you know that. He was so genuinely concerned it was tearing me to pieces. I looked up at him, tears cascading down my face like a waterfall. I havent been with a guy yet, because the very best man I know, the one Id want to give myself to, I cant have because hes standing too damn close to me. I blurted out. Huh? Is the guy one of your guy friends? Or is he- Hes you, Stuart, hes you. The perfect guy, the truly sweet man, the one Id want to be with, the one Id happily take in my arms, and hes my own…brother. I am one sick person. Thats why I have issues with sex, okay? Im a sick, perverted freak. I erupted in fresh tears and hugged myself tight and just wanted it all to go away. I hadnt counted on Stuart being every bit the guy Id wanted in life. He sat down on my bed and caressed my shoulders. It. “But you’re smarter than he is, I’m sure.”“The problem is, a mediocre mid-year review from him could cost me a Fellowship.”“OK. Now we’re talking going too far!”“Tiger, you HAVE to stay out of this. You can only make it worse.”“I swear, the more I see of how medical training works, the more surprised I am that the entire system hasn’t come crashing down from incompetence, egos, and stupidity.”“Promise me you won’t do or say anything,” Jessica said worriedly. “I have to work within the system which exists, not the perfect one you seem to think needs to exist.”“This sucks,” I sighed.We arrived home, showered, dressed, and ate lunch. I put on rarely worn blue jeans and a lightweight flannel shirt. I didn’t have riding boots, so I simply wore a pair of comfortable sneakers. Samantha had asked me to pack a change of clothes, so I tossed a pair of khakis and a button-down shirt into a gym bag, along with clean underwear and loafers. I grabbed my brown fedora, and my wives and I went to sit.
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