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I can outdo Brian any day. How’s uni going, by the way? I hope you’re working hard and playing hard, getting drunk when you can afford it, and staying clear of the dope.’ A torrent of pee cascaded from Anne’s peehole into the toilet, making a hissing sound. ‘It’s okay, and I’m trying to do all those.’ ‘Good. Well, let me give you some more advice. When I went to Cambridge, the ‘other place’ as you’ve no doubt been taught call it, I realised for the first time in my life that I could do a good poo when I wanted one, not when other people thought I should go. It hit me during the first term that there was no one waiting to give me castor oil or syrup of figs in a morning because I hadn’t ‘done’ anything. I learnt to go when I wanted and to take risks sometimes when need was ahead of want. A dump is certainly a necessity, Barnaby, but it can also be one of life’s greatest pleasures if you take the time to enjoy it when and where it suits you instead of at the dictates of other people.’. ’ I said confused. ‘You’re my intern, I’m your... I don’t know... boss or mentor or something, but not your Goddess.’ ‘Sshhh.’ He said. ‘You don’t have to understand, the internship was just a ploy to get closer to you. I’ve been admiring you since high school.’ ‘That’s fifteen years ago.’ I frowned and scrunched up my nose. I didn’t recognize him from high school at all, maybe he was one of the theater kids, I never felt much of a connection with them, you could even say I kind of bullied those them, but then again I was young and they were asking for it with their nerdy suspenders and their random exclamations of Shakespeare. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ He said. ‘I know you probably don’t remember me, but I’m here now, you know my name, you know who I am, and that’s all that matters. You’re my Goddess and I’m your servant. So what do you want me to do first, Your Holiness?’ Was he serious? Would he really going to do anything I ordered him to? ‘How about you untie me and let me.
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