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Even thoughmost men like porn in one form or another, try explaining that to your wife.I didn't want her to think less of me. Losing her love and respect wouldbe devastating. She seemed to think that she wasn'tenough to satisfy me; that maybe I was looking for something outside of ourmarriage that she couldn't provide. I tried to put her at ease. "Most, ifnot all of these things are fantasies, Rachel." "So you're telling me that youwouldn't want to do any of these things in real life?" She asked. "I'm not sure if I could." I replied. "Why haven't you shared thesefantasies with me Ben?" "I didn't want you to hate me.You know I love you more than anything. I wouldn't want to do anything tomake you think poorly of me." "I want you to share with me." Shesaid. "How can I trust you if you hide things from me? Secrets are what willkill our marriage." Even though it felt strange todo it, I shared with Rachel over the next several weeks. She wanted to readstories, watch videos and see. He did, but it still looked a little silly with his feetstill in his P-F Flyers. I didn't tell him that; but hisexpression after he'd taken a twirl in front of the mirror toldme he knew."Want me to unzip you?" I asked. But even though he obviouslywasn't happy with the way things looked, he wasn't ready to takeit off yet."Barbara, I have cookies and milk out on the kitchen table," Iheard my mother say behind me.Poor Eddie; his deer-in-the-headlights expression is still sovivid in my mind. Maybe it was a good thing that he was socompletely terrified that he was frozen in place. It would havelooked worse, if he'd tried to run or hide.Mother was so cool, though. She casually asked him what he knewabout ballet. He just shook his head to convey "nothing", towhich she responded, "Well, you can't get all dressed up for itand not learn a little about it. "Barbara, why don't you show Eddie the First Position."I did, and she asked Eddie to try to do just what I did.We spent about 10 minutes.
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