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” “Why does feeling all girlie and effeminate feel so good?”“I must be some kind of depraved pervert, a queer, a fag”. “What would she say, and do, if she caught you?”You start to develop dark imagery of being caught, exposed and humiliated. They fill you with intense fear but, through constant association with the sensual and emotional girlie pleasures you’re immersed in, and the erotic ecstasy of pleasuring yourself and slowly bring yourself to climax, they conflate into a kind of dark fantasy which arouses you. After you’ve climaxed, with the erotic arousal spent, you suddenly see yourself not as the girl you’d created for yourself in your own mind, but as kind of warped deviant dressed in women’s clothes. You feel disgusted with yourself. The shame and guilt are still there, but without the erotic rush. You discard the stockings, high heels and underwear as quickly as you can. They no longer excite you. You do you best to put them back as you found them, hoping she won’t notice.. ?If you don't tell, I won?t ask,? the man said as Jeremy paid him. ?They?re Halloween costumes,? Jeremy replied sternly. The man raised an eyebrow and glanced at a calendar on the wall. It was August. ?Whatever, kid. Don?t have too much fun.? Jeremy glared at the man as he left the shop. He got into his car and drove home. On his way home, he failed to notice another car following him there. The two friends took turns trying on their new costumes later that evening. After getting their initial fits of embarrassment and laughter out, they began to see them as kind of cool looking. Jeremy and Aaron had both done sports in high school, and still stayed active into college. In other words, the spandex fit them quite nicely. They agreed to meet up at midnight downtown. Aaron ran a little late because his mom stayed up later than usual. It struck him as curious when he tried to call Jeremy?s phone and no one answered. Then he realized their costumes didn?t exactly have pockets on them. At.
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