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'They don't expect us to read that crap! Sexual dysfunction? My fingernails might fall off? I'll pee myself? Oh, those are only possible side-effects. I might also possibly become the first female president of the United States. Hey! It's a possible side-effect.We should read the label on everything. Here's one I bet you never thought of. Ladies, we all like to look nice and if you are on television, that means you stay thin. After all, the camera adds ten pounds. So what do we do? We get up in the morning and shampoo our hair, because clean fluffy hair is pretty. But it says right on the shampoo bottle, 'adds body.' Honey, if you are trying to lose weight, you don't want to be using shampoo that adds body.Dish detergent. That's what I wash with. Remember that manicurist, Madge, who soaked her client's hands in dish detergent? She had the right idea. Wash your whole body with the stuff. Why? It says right on the label, 'cuts grease.' We're educated women. We know what grease is. It's. There was a six foot white fence and right up against the house there was a small gate that led through to the back yard. Kristen went through behind Jake and he closed the gate behind them.Kristen gasped and whispered under her breath, "Holy shit!"The back yard was a beautiful expanse of greens and color splashed everywhere she looked. Purple lilacs and orange, pink and yellow lilies. There were willows and poplars, maples and chokecherry trees. There were also groups of trees and bushes that Kristen could not identify. There was a pool of water off to her right and around it in a spiral were beds of flowers, some were blooming and some seemed to be acclimating to the spring weather.Up ahead Kristen saw a group of guys on the back porch and could hear them laughing. There were stone walkways twisting and turning to different destinations out in front of her. She and Jake stayed upon the path that took them to the back porch stairs. The porch was painted white and was an enormous.
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