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You can’t go out in public ... nude. It’s ... illegal, sir,” the secretary told me, making me chuckle along with my posse.“Watch me!” I smiled at her as I moved past into the chambers of the justice of the peace.This caused the secretary to stand up and try to block us, but in vain. The elderly justice of the peace arose with a start upon seeing us, at which point I directed him to take a seat and his secretary to sit on his lap. She squirmed, particularly when he grew noticeably aroused by her presence next to his groin.“Look, I don’t know or care what your normal laws and rules of conduct are or whatever. Those don’t matter at the moment. I’m running this show now. I want you to marry me to these women and men ... all of them. And all of them to each other as well. It’s a plural marriage on steroids, my friend. Then you’re going to marry your secretary here and I’m going to fuck her in front of you, while you fuck one of my wives or husbands of your choice.“Monogamy is on its way. I may not like them, but they’re milking their franchise for every last red cent, and you have to admire that level of single-mindedness. ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ has all the vital elements – glamor, rivalry, family dramas, envy, bitchiness, conspicuous consumption, laughter, tears – to be almost compelling viewing, although part of me wants to scream at the screen every time some bride announces a wedding dress budget greater than the amount I paid for my car.)Katelyn, who freely admits she was exposed to far too much daytime TV for her own good while the children were too young for kindergarten, agreed with Mel enthusiastically. That was to be expected. What was a little upsetting was Dad’s insistence that he join them on the couch so he could boast to his buddies he was going to be on a reality show.Was he being serious? I couldn’t quite tell. At least I’d be able to plead superstition about not seeing the wedding dress until the ceremony, to avoid being part of it myself.And I had.
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