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..and I might.' I teased him.'OK....I'm from the USA, 45, married, 3 k**s, 6feet 1, 165lbs, short brown hair with flecks of grey and I'm a pilot.'"Wow!" I thought, "a pilot!" Then remembered my daughter's stories about guys spinning her a line when they chatted her up.'A pilot?????' I challenged him.'Seriously...I am; not a glamorous one...more of a delivery man'. He went on to explain that he'd been in the US Airforce and now worked for a parcel carrier; flying to Europe twice a week and was currently in a hotel in Frankfurt . I believed him.We chatted about ourselves for nearly an hour -- I told him that I'd been divorced for 7 years, was 41 and worked in an Estate Agents (AR Werth) in the centre of town; plus lots of meaningless stuff too. He told me about his family but admitted to 'getting lonely' while in hotels but now contented himself with chatting on Messenger. I didn't believe him.Just before he got bored with me he asked again.... 'are you going to tell me how big your. Â I wanted to get the blade just inside the abdominal cavity just to see if I could.I have a knife with a five inch blade. It is a Gerber dagger with a very sharp double edge and not too wide. Even going 1.25 inches, it would cause a wound only .5 inches wide or so. I measured off 1.25 inches and put several layers of duct tape on the blade as a safety stop. This would absolutely guarantee that the blade would stop at the desired depth. I was confident in my calculations and would just look at the blade, review my movie from last year and get giddy and nervous and excited imagining the blade going into my gut.This was around the 2nd week of July. I need to do this by the 23rd. I was so ready and getting myself worked up psychologically for the annual ritual. To be honest, just the thought of a piece of hard, cold steel blade entering my gut gets me to a point of insanityI stabbed myself twice last year, but it was so shallow. Would I be able to this year? As the day approached, I made.
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