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"I'm sorry. I got so lost in what you were doing to me it kind of took me by surprise, too. I should have told you." It was actually a good thing you didn't. I'd have probably pulled back and we'd have a real mess to clean up. I didn't even have time to decide if I was going to swallow it. It just was in my mouth and that was the easiest way to get rid of it. And I wanted to do that ever since we were in bed with Whitney that night. I just would have been too chicken shit to do it. Thank you." She jumped toward me and gave me a big spermy kiss. It's not like I like the stuff, but if she took it in her mouth for me, who am I to complain?I was aware, also, that her demeanor and attitude had changed."You seem a lot happier now." Yeah. That happens, too. It's the same shit that the lethargy and the anger and the depression come from. When your life is controlled by drugs, you just learn to accept whatever emotion they plant in you. It's like I don't own any of them. I don't know what's. I had known from playing with myself, that my capacity for anything “large” wasn't really there so I wanted to make sure it would be one that I could fit without feeling the pain that I would when I tried to use something too big. My body was so tense and rigid that I barely moved when grabbed my head and pulled me closer to it. Finally I opened my mouth and slowly started taking a little by little bit of it in my mouth. I had of course watched plenty of porn by that time and knew what I was “supposed” to do, but being so nervous and anxious about it, I could barely move. Finally it was all in my mouth and he slowly moved his hips back. I had finally come down from being dizzy/lightheaded as I was before and started doing what I knew I was supposed to be doing. I had so much and yet so little running through my head at that time that I wasn't so much focusing on what I was doing, but more on what it meant to be doing what I was. I did find it sexually gratifying and enjoyed pleasing.
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