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”“I don't. I'm 36. I've been avoiding the conversation I need to have with myself.”“What are you thinking now?”“I'm not sure how to answer that.” My hands shook. “Let’s start with you, then. Do you want to have children?”“Yes,” Jacob answered immediately. “Do you want to have children?”I paused. “I don't know.”Jacob looked stricken.“That's not a ‘No, but I don't want to say no.’ It's not a “Yes, with complications.’ I am truly conflicted about this decision in a way I haven't considered before.”“What brought this on?”“The new year. This past year.”“What happened this past year?” Jacob asked.“You.” I fought the tears burning my eyes. “I want to go into January with a definite plan. So I have to figure this out by midnight.”“What am I supposed to do? Sit here and wait for you do decide if you are breaking up with me?”“I didn't say that.”“But that's what this is, right?” he demanded. “If I want kids, and you don't, then you want to end our relationship?”“Isn't that what you would. In fact, he was to go earlier but had decided to postpone the trip helping them settle down in the new place nicely. I worked hard for the man to instill and reinforce full faith, trust and confidence in me. Honestly, I was sure I succeeded in my attempt. I went to my office in the morning and came back around 7.30 PM only. However, I never bothered to pest them with uninvited intrusions to their house. Whenever we met, I greeted them politely and enquired about their welfare.I reminded them not to hesitate to let me know if I could be of any help or assistance to them any time. In fact, the man often came to my house in the evenings and chatted with me for long hours. I may be right or wrong,but I had an idea he was finding me as a very good neighbour and friend fit to keep faith on so much so that I would be a good caretaker and helper to his wife in case of need during his tours. Later, I came to know he had made enquiries about me from the elderlyBengali families who lived in.
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