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If they drained the balls of everyman in London they would scarcely have earned a fraction of what I pay them, or acquired the property, jewellery and gifts I bestow on them in my gratitude. Having money gives them a status they would otherwise be denied and they treat servants, waiters and shopkeepers with rudeness, contempt and capriciousness. These tradesmen however bite their tongues before jeopardising their livelihoods.These hard and heartless women, who find endless amusement in my antics invent many ingenious novelties which I pay to have crafted by experts. From harnesses, corsets, manacles and a vast array of dildos and torture devices, to the remarkable bridles and gags. All of these are fashioned in the finest materials, leather, metal and gutta percha, and most strongly built. Lamb’s wool I disdain as I have no care for the comfort of my subjects. These inventions fully frustrate the feeble efforts of these young girls to release themselves. It amuses us to watch, and we. Our young (but not too young - demographics again) housewife would enter and admire her beautiful kitchen, putter about a bit and then pick up the product. That was part one. Then we moved to the blue screen where she caressed the bottle and just stood there as we turned on the wind machine to blow her hair and dress around artistically. The only problem was the model hadn't shown up.More frantic phone calls, a couple of antacids and much colorful language later it seemed the model was convinced we were shooting Friday and was at another job. Wonderful! I opted for the least productive but most satisfying solution: I panicked."Mac! Hey Mac, you stupid gringo!" Carol's voice penetrated the wonderful fog of outrage I had created."Uh, yeah?" I managed."Mac, Jerry and I have it all figured out!" Jerry was our makeup man and costume designer for the session. "Mac, all I need is a body in a dress to walk in and pick up the stupid bottle and stand there in the wind, right?" Yeah." This is.
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