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Nor did I have even the memory of a father, mine having died when I was barely two. In my family circle there were few competent male figures; those that remained were simply worn out, resigned to life as dictated by others. My overbearing stepdad typified the opposite extreme of heedless masculinity and intolerance. I'd apparently been living in an emotional and intellectual vacuum; I lived surreptitiously, letting others see only those parts of me that I could twist into a mere copy of what they expected.I said glumly, "I hate all of them. I distrust and dislike every one of them." No!" Martha said forcefully. She pounded the table once with a clenched fist. "No, Steven! Don't hate. Understand. They did what they could. They did what they knew to do. It wasn't much, in my humble opinion, but it was the best they could do. And you do owe them respect. But nobody ever said you had to love them. Anyway, I don't think you can -- I don't think I could love most of the people I was. " Yeah. That'd be great. So... You still going with that guy you were with at the prom?" His name is Jim, and yeah, I'm still going with him, but it's just until we both leave for college. We've already decided there isn't much point of trying to keep something going when we're going to separate schools like that." That's too bad," I said as I tried to ignore how vulnerable I felt thinking of Suzi and Joey going off to college without me that next fall."I'm glad to see you, Joey and Suzi getting along again," she said after the song changed and we fell into its groove."Yeah, so am I. I don't know what I would have done without them the past month or so," I said looking over at them with glassy eyes as they danced, the music seemingly fading from my senses."Hey," Dawn said, touching my cheek and turning my head to look back to her. "You're dancing with me, remember?"It took me a moment to shake my worries from my head, then smiled at her as the music rushed back to its normal volume.
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