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When I got there, she was shocked at my appearance and sat me down to hear the whole story. Her husband was there as well, and his face became harder and colder as I told them what had happened. He insisted that the police be called, but I told him that I had a better idea than that, one that had occurred to me as I talked, that I would like to keep this between Master K and myself, but just needed a little backup for help. I asked for the phone, which he handed me without comment, and I dialed a number I have long had memorized. The woman who answered put me straight through to the person I asked for, and again I explained what had happened and asked for some help. I was assured that help would be there that evening and we hung up. I used their shower to clean up and took great pleasure in letting the water, set as hot as I could take it, flow over my bruised and tired body. When I was finished, I told them that I would need some time to contact people online who should have been. I changed from the girl who confidently wore the Saint Christopher’s medal and wanted to be a nun to a doubting teenager taking soapy showers who feared hell. I changed from the secure dutiful wife to an adulteress who feared exposure. Now in old age fear fades and bows to past’s concealment fog. Each wanton sexual encounter changed me, some a little, others a lot.We're imprinted by youth's diecast. Despite many transformations, I remain the poor, Catholic, Asian girl born in a rural orchard and raised in an East San Jose dysfunctional family. Now again, the dutiful wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother, I pray and light candles in church. I’m back to before puberty.In between, adultery’s my sin. Looking back, I wonder why. It makes no sense now. My libido, stronger than most, is not adultery’s blame. I was sexually satisfied during faithful marriage bouts. When it occurred, however, I couldn’t stop myself. It took time to accept, I was a serial cheater. I lied to and.
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