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I wanted the pain to go away so i took the bottle of jack daniels from the living room and i drank it and did somethink i never thought i would do i got my car keys and i drove to harveys moms housewhen i got there bella said "he doesnt want to see you leon and i dont think he wants to see you drunk!" harvey came to the door and said "your drunk?!" i looked at him and said "just a little" harvey took my hand and said "how did you get here if your drunk" i turned around and pointed to my car and said "i drove" harvey looked really mad at me and said "you fucking drove your car when your drunk are you stupid" i nodded my head and said "apparently so" "why do you do this to me leon?" "because im a fuck up and i always will be" "your not a fuck up leon" "sure i am i fucked up a relationship with kyle i fucked up a marrage with you i fucked up a family relationship with my brother" "those things are not so important leon you need to learn to accept your self" "sure harvey maybe i should. I deeply believe that she is Jenova, I need to meet her and face her. I want to look into her eyes and say, ‘ Zeldah, I need you to be 100% honest with me. Look into my eyes and tell me that you are NOT Jenova.” I want to say things like that to her and explain exactly how I feel inside to her. I believe that the truth will come out if I do that and that she will be able to admit everything. I also believe that she still has feelings for me and maybe she is still in love with me. I do not know. I just have to find out! Finding out that she lied to me would not be the worst feeling. The worst feeling is the feeling I have right now. Not knowing the truth for certain. There is no worse feeling. If, that last time I talked to ‘Jenova’, she would have said something like, ‘I lied to you about everything, I have no feelings for you, don’t call me, don’t come see me,’ and hung up, I would have been CRUSHED, but I would have, over time, been able to accept it and slowly recover from it..
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