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I try to get you hot and you respond with a limp prick. Some guy comes by with a good-looking prick or ass and you start salivating. Next time you call my house for a date, ask for my b*****r.’ Then there was Patsy. She wasn’t trying to be kind, ‘Doug, you are the kindest, most generous and gentle man I have ever met, but that cock between your legs is a fucking waste of material. Cut it off and let them build you a cunt, what you need is a boy friend.’ Sandy was the third one. She didn’t leave angry, actually she was crying when she said, ‘Doug, I think it is time for us to part company. I like you a lot, in fact I think I love you, but sex with you never get hot. You cum once and the rest of the day it is impossible to get you hard. You go through the motions, but your heart isn’t in it. You surround yourself with girls, and can’t keep you eyes of their boyfriends. Did you ever think you might be homosexual?’ I watched Sylvia walk away and tried to get some pleasure out of her. Alfred had gotten the letters announcing their arrivals weeks ago, all pretty curly letters, written in some expensive ink on pretty snow-white parchment. The moment he held them in his hands he knew they aught to be royal letters and sure enough, when he opened them, they were. Not only was the Eastern Queen Petunia coming to bless his humble home. Her brother and arch rival mind you, King Edmund of the West was coming as well. They’d been fighting a bloody war for years now, all for who was the rightful heir to all the lands. Fucking stupid, Alfred thought. He’d been a pirate most his life and when he unexpectedly found himself living at the age of forty he decided to retire in the countryside and make himself a home. By accident, he chose the very spot all roads in the kingdoms lead to, the sea as well. Before he knew it Alfred was running the biggest inn anyone had ever seen and a peace treaty was signed, saying anyone who stepped foot inside his doors would forget their.
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