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.?" I'm Bertha, Bertha Snodgrass. (her name was as melodious as her appearance.) I need you to find a missing person,"...as she slid a photograph across the table slowly, like revealing an iffy poker hand.Peeking at it, suppressing the urge to scream, cry and/or vomit, I was looking at the ugliest woman ever seen outside a Grimm's fairy tale. Her toothless smile meant I could rule out dental records. She looked like the love child of Clint Howard and Joey Ramone! "Are you certain you WANT her found?" I asked, while fighting acid reflux. Her eyes bulged even more, if possible, as she yanked the gruesome photo from my trembling hand and screamed, "Of course, I want her found. SHE'S MY LOVER!" Then in a quieter moment, she whispered, "I'm a lesbian. Does that shock you?"Hoping to put her mind at ease, I mentioned I also play for her team. She glared, "Yeah, your flannel shirt and Doc Marten's gave you away, butch!" ( so much for the compassionate approach.)"When did you see this. “If we can at least attempt to salvage a few moments of musical discourse, can you explain why you added those 1960s’ vocalizations to your song? Oh, by the way, Lynette, I thought you did a great job with the lyrics.”“Thank you, Sir,” Lynette replied as she gave me a not so subtle hip-bump before she sat back down on the piano bench.“Well, Sir,” I began and took a breath to buy a moment to organize my thoughts. “If Lynette’s the Uptown Girl in the song, I can easily picture her as a ‘Sandy’ type girl from ‘Grease’.” That earned me a few ‘ohs’ and ‘yeahs’, and a harsh piano sound as Lynette hit the C-E-G keys from the second octave below ‘middle-C’ with her left hand.I peeked down at Lynette and she perfectly timed a hair-toss, which sent her long, blonde locks up into my grinning face.“See, she just made my point!” I exclaimed and put my right hand on her left shoulder. “Anyhow, with Lynette here as my ‘Sandy’, I obviously had to create a ‘Danny Zuko’, the ‘backstreet guy’. If I’m.
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