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''No.''I've got these.' He was rolling a rubber sheathover his spear.I knew it was too late then. I tried to get upbut he was too strong. I screamed for help but there was no one to hear mycries. He forced my legs apart with his knees. It hurt when he pushed it intome: a sort of tearing sensation. Then he seemed to swell up inside me ─and was gone. I felt empty. Disappointed. I wanted totouch myself so badly. I cried.'Thank you,' he said, kissing my tearful face.'That was great.''Why do you hate me so much?' I said.'I don't hate you. I love you.''Liar. Look what you just did to me.''Oh God! The blood . . .' he said, jumping up and dabbing my thighs with atissue.I went home and cried all night. My mother knewsomething was wrong but she couldn't worm it out of me.Despite my horror at what had happened, Icouldn't stop touching myself all that week. I was becoming an expert atorgasms. The trouble was that, every time I had one, I felt empty andunsatisfied. My vagina wanted something to. If Ben drank now, Victoria thought to herself, he must do it pretty secretly. Sometimes he did seem to walk a little strangely, with a funny look on his face, but that was mostly late in the evenings and on weekends.Ben must have been a really handsome man at one time, the young girl thought. His hair, even though gray, was still fairly thick and traces of what must have been its original deep brown color showed through. Even though his body was a little heavy, it was the heaviness of a big man, not a fat one, and the way he sometimes moved, especially if the day was nice and he was feeling good, hinted at the grace and style that must have been his before the alcohol ruined him. That ruin showed mostly in his face, which was heavily lined and bore a gaunt, haunted look. His mind seemed to have been burned out a little also, so that his speech would ramble from time to time. But all in all he was a gentle man and young Victoria had found a special place in her heart for him..
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