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While he was at work, I did the housework, tidied up, prepared the cooking and filled my time in well. It was now early May, 1997 and I was feeling down a bit when lying in bed. I fell asleep but had woken up after having a flashback of my husband beating me. I woke up afraid, shaking and generally distressed and burst into tears. I can remember walking to my brother’s room and opening his door and walking in during the early hours of the morning. I sat on the side of his bed and he must have been aware of my presence as he awoke soon after. He asked me what was wrong and told him of my flashback and that I was afraid. Matt asked me to lie beside him and we talked for a short time. I was wearing a camisole and could detect from the feel of his body that he was sleeping naked. I cuddled up inside his protective arms and drifted into a sleep. I awoke on daybreak, expecting him to be gone to work, but he had taken the day off to look after me. Matt was still asleep and could feel. My hands roamed over the steering wheel, my fingers closing around where I knew his would, those slender, musician’s hands. It was like holding the ghost of his hand.It was five minutes to eleven in the morning. I’d slept almost two hours right there in his car, dozing off, pretending that the seat warmers were his body heat. I thought of how he had carried me, of how he’d confirmed that I really had become nothing but bones, picking me up with such ease that I wondered if a strong wind could just sweep me away if I didn’t have something to anchor me.He’d done that. He’d anchored me.I fumbled for my phone, finding it on the passenger seat where I’d left it before falling asleep. Knowing his phone number was in there made me feel like I was having an out of body experience. I had to open my texts just to be sure that they were real, that we’d actually talked like friends—that I actually had a friend at all.There were two new texts from him.[Gabe] Text me when you wake up.[Gabe] Sweet.
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