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How they longed for something to think about, something to latch onto.The very purpose of sensory deprivation is to deny that opportunity. Andthat is how I came to deny her as much sensory stimulation as I could,unless it would specifically cause her to be reminded of her actions, hertorturing me, her degradation of me, her inhumanity. She could fixateabout each video while in her wheelchair in her Awake Room or under thehood in her crib room. Now, those videos were cause for her to reflectupon her choices in life.But I do not know what actually was going through her mind. For all Iknow, she was in ecstasy, reviewing her great, noble accomplishmentsagainst her evil husband. I know what would be going through mine were weto switch places. In the Awake Room. In a wheelchair. In a diaper.Entirely dependent for day-to-day care upon an ex-spouse whom I hadtortured, thrown away, and then retrieved to attend to me. I'd be fuckingterrified.However, I did not have the time to dawdle on what. "I still don't know, you're older than me," she stated weakly."Does that really bother you or are you just making excuses," I asked."Fine, how about tomorrow, I usually leave home at 7 to wait on the school bus," she asked"I'd love to, I'll pick you up at the bus stop for 7," I stated sleepily......................I parked on the side of the road by the bus stop waiting on Emma to enter the car. I rolled down the glass and called her, she entered and buckled then faced me. "Hey," she said placing her bag on the floor of the car. "Hey Emma, what time do you have to reach in school?" I asked. "For 8:30 am," she smiled blushing. "Great, that means I have an hour with you, want to go to the park," I asked."Sure," she smiled. ..........I laughed as she told me stories about her friends. We were sitting next to each other on the bench, very closely, my arms were strewn across the bench as we ate breakfast. I looked down at her, pulling her hand with mines. I placed my hands on her.
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