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The food and wine was exquisite. We even shared a desert. Again, the conversation rarely ventured from work. But, Christina was more animated than she ever had been. I wouldn’t have complained if she had talked about acne and incontinence. I wished we didn’t have to leave but three hours for one meal is long enough. As we entered the hotel Christina asked if I would like to join her in the lounge for a last drink before heading to our rooms. Anything, to prolong this night, was welcome. The lounge was mostly deserted. Just a few pairs of businessmen near the bar. Christina chose to sit on a leather sofa near the fake fireplace. Undercurrents flowed through my brain. This was, like the restaurant, quite romantic. We sat mostly side-ways so it would be easier to see each other as we talked. The waiter brought our drinks and we spent several minutes just watching the gas logs. Christina was the first to speak. She softly told me, ‘thank you’. I reassured her that it was my job to come. He buttoned up his blazer and straightened his tie, and he knew right away that an end to his ceaseless obsessing about how to talk and what to wear and how he would be perceived fell to the side and was no longer a priority, at least for that day. He didn’t seem so concerned with what others might think of him if he broke out into a sudden fit of dancing at the party or went up to a woman and had a conversation. It really wouldn’t be that humiliating at all. People may have a zillion thoughts in a day, and most of these thoughts are forgettable if not downright absurd—so why be a slave to what other people thought? What people thought certainly didn’t make them what they were. What he thought may happen at the party if he didn’t act perfectly no longer held sway either. Why become a slave to the fear that awaits around the corner if only to end up being trapped by always thinking about what may come next, as it’s impossible, really, to predict anything. Maybe if he danced people.
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