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‘I…I…molested…you.’ ‘You didn’t molest me. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do,’ Bobby replied. He didn’t understand why she was acting like this. ‘I don’t see anything wrong with what we’re doing.’ ‘It’s not right!’ she groaned. ‘If…if anyone finds out…’ ‘I’m not going to tell anyone,’ Bobby said. Helen rolled over on her back and looked at him. Her hand rose and caressed his face. ‘I know you won’t,’ she said. She took a deep breath. ‘I’m putting entirely too much on you.’ Her comments confused Bobby. ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said. ‘You aren’t putting anything on me.’ Helen shook her head. ‘Yes I am,’ she said, ‘I…I’m expecting you to take the place of the man in my life, and that isn’t fair…’ She sniffled a little. ‘It…it isn’t right for me to expect you to…ah…take care of me.’ ‘I…I don’t mind,’ Bobby protested. ‘What we have together, it’s fantastic!’ ‘I know it is,’ Helen said softly, ‘That’s what makes this so hard. You’re more man than anyone I’ve ever. I had nothing to give. Why me? Why the hell me? Why let me fall in love so deeply, only to take it away from me? I couldn’t come to terms with the loss at all. At any point in any day, I would burst into tears. The loss of control I felt when these tears smothered me, scared me to death. I could be in my car driving in traffic to work, and suddenly this overwhelming ache would move up my shoulders, up the back of my neck and culminate in floods of tears. I’d arrive at work only to tell them I couldn’t cope and then drive home. I’d be working with the kids in the classroom and suddenly tears would stream down my face. I’d go home and sit on the couch in the lounge, with a cushion in my lap. Staring at nothing. Sitting there for hours. Until my family came home. Then I’d go into automatic pilot mode and cook and clean and help with homework and all manner of mundane day to day things a wife and mother does. Along would come walk time again, and off I’d go with the dog. He must have.
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