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’ I sit still. I know he is right. Why else would I have stood in a dirty alleyway trying to finger myself like that? How else would I stand in front of my class with no underwear on? ‘Let’s face it, Sarah, you’re just a submissive slut aren’t you? You might feel ashamed right now but that shame means you need to be punished. And that is such a turn on isn’t it? It’s so exciting to be used, to be dominated. Since you are learning to use your body you might as well be paid for it.’ I sit there, his words circling round in my head. It makes such sense…I want to be desired, it’s only natural. Why not be paid for it? My mind spins into a loop — a slut like me needs to be punished, a slut like me enjoys her punishment, enjoying my punishment makes me a slut, meaning I need to be punished… ‘When you wake up, Sarah, you won’t remember our time together this evening. In fact you will feel empowered by a new-found sense of your sexuality, with what you deep down…’ ‘…a slut.’ I finish his. She fulfilled the dual roles of big sister and surrogate mother, watching over her baby brother, protecting him from all harm.She kept him from venturing too far and getting lost, from trying too hard and failing, from running too fast and falling, from experimenting and learning. As he grew into adolescence, and then into manhood she didn’t relinquish her position.One probable reason was that Myrtle, the natural mother, was infertile.She had met and married Chester when she was twenty-six. He was the loan officer in the bank where she had an account. When she wanted to buy her first car she applied for a loan, although she had no credit and a low-paying job. But when Myrtle made up her mind that she wanted something, she found a way to get it. Nothing insurmountable ever stood in her way. Chester certainly wasn’t insurmountable.Myrtle was a big-boned woman, tall like her brother, but with meat on her bones. Chester was a small, mild-mannered man, and was no match for Myrtle. She got.
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