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I watched as the huge mounds of flesh rippled and rebounded against each other under her thin cotton shirt. "And another thing, has anyone thought to tell them we already have three little kids in the house? And who the mothers are?" I imagine so", I said, imagining no such thing. "But they'll find out soon enough when they arrive. They'll be here in the morning. " Oh, shit! Tomorrow?" Tanya's shoulders slumped. When you have an 80-inch bust and you let your shoulders slump, they stay slumped. Mine is only 61 inches but I know how she feels.The twins' father delivered them at 10. 30 the next morning. He was away up the lane in a shower of dust and gravel before anyone could change their mind. Off to see his lover, or to patch things up with his wife? Whatever. Mum welcomed the twins, who walked up the path with permanent expressions of distaste on their faces and large bags in their hands.As soon as I saw them, I remembered all that there was to remember about these two horrid little. ?You were delivered to us, that is, the Sunset Funeral Home, for cremation.??Thank God you found out the mistake before that. Now let me up.??Cathy, it’s not quite as simple as that. You see, I told the hospital a little white lie.??Huh?? Cathy grunted in amazement.?Yes, Cathy, I told them that it was too late, that we had been testing the crematorium this morning, and that you were already ashes. They have already filled out your death certificate and notified your family.??This has got to be a joke. Who put you up to it? My brother? My sister? No, I bet it was my best friend, Elana. Wait till I see her!??No, Cathy, I’ve decided to keep you here as our guest for a while. You see, Fred here is shy. Almost all the girls he meets are pretty stiff, if you get my meaning. This is a golden opportunity for Fred to sharpen his social skills and have a meaningful relationship. Right, Fred???Right, Boss, although you never let me go first. She’s ready, can I start???Go right ahead, Fred. Enjoy.
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