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Anyway, I'd had enough of the Great Midwest during my sojourn with the St. Paul Saints. Neither Kansas City nor its affiliated clubs looked all that inviting.And it would be worse, if anything, if I signed with the Giants or the Rockies. The Giants, inexplicably, had a Double-A farm club in Connecticut. But all their other affiliates were on the West Coast. Anyway, even Connecticut would be a long ways from Josie.That left the Philadelphia Phillies, the last club Bill had heard from, in terms of at least a mild overt expression of interest. Their Double A club was pretty close by in Reading, Pennsylvania, and it was in the Eastern League -- same as the Bowie Baysox. If I were sent to Reading, at least all contact with Josie would not be lost.The Phillies had Class A farms in Lakewood, New Jersey and Williamsport, Pennsylvania. They also had one in Clearwater, Florida, just west of Tampa where I was now sitting, doing all this contemplating of my navel. The Phillies' organization at. I get so depressed that all I can do is cry. I hate this so much. The doctors have told me that I qualify to have a sex change because I really am a woman trapped in a man?s body. I don?t want to change it into A fake woman?s body; I just want to have my body back. I know I will not and it depresses me even further. My doctors tell me that for my peace of mind that it would be best if I go ahead with the transition and at least try to be comfortable. I have seen my old body several times since the swap and all I can do is cry over my loss. It is so hard to see someone else wearing it. I know she is a good person inside but I cannot stand to see her. It is just a reminder of what I have lost and depresses me further than I have ever been in my life.I have been trying to get my family to come and visit me but it seems like they have disowned me for no reason of mine. My sisters have refused to even talk to me. My parents no longer claim me as their daughter, but that is because I am.
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