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That left the drunk from two doors down and the former hippie that lived next door. The drunk was sloppy and had no manners. So, I figured that left him out of the picture. However, Wally from next door was the perfect candidate. He was pleasant and friendly guy who was married to a former "California girl" for the last forty years. I figured that he'd caught Lola's act more that a few times. I talked to him a few times and left open the conversations. He was very non-committal until the last time that we spoke. "Lola, the crazy bitch below us is a freak. She almost cost me everything and a messy divorce. I stay away from her and keep in my own yard," said Wally. "Really, I would have never guessed," I said naively. Wally seemed relieved that he got it off his chest and I got some much needed info. I was Lola's perfect pawn with no entangling alliances. She could do anything to satisfy her perverse sexual cravings. I did not hear from her for a long period of time. Until one day, in. They weren’t going to let up. ‘Well, you see, I still have a ‘gaga’…’ I was in deep shit. All eyes had turned to me, the sound of forks clanking down on plates when the television has just reported a bombing or a brand new episode of Friends. My grandmother pursed her lips and folded her napkin. My husband tried to start a mild mannered conversation with the waiter. My brother and sister, of course, turned their goddamned chairs towards me, to be sure not to miss a word. I had to be proud. I had to prove to these people that yes, I might have an old blanky, but I am still smarter and far wittier. ‘Oh my God! You STILL have one? Haha …and what about your thumb? Still sucking?’ my brother looked around the table as if speaking to each and every person there. ‘I’ll be damned, Kelly, a grown woman still sucking her thumb.’ My brother. The fuck-twit. It’s not that bad to have a habit of sucking one’s thumb. I have friends who didn’t stop until they were in their late teens. Occasionally.
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