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You killed your belief in god long before you ever got sick. When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at myself?”Friend: “Yes.”I felt the truth of his words and it was like he had run me through with a sword. I was speechless. It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I still find comfort in it’s familiarity. I’m also Heathen and find comfort in the sagas of my ancestors and the images of Freyja, sweet Sunna, and Hel. The Disir I adore. What’s interesting is faith or no faith I’m observant enough to know that there’s things that go bump in the night. When I was trying it on I noticed it brought out my green eye. When I walked out both their mouths dropped open, they both said, ‘wow’. I left them setting there and headed for the shoe department. I knew exactly what I wanted, I found a green pair of four inch heels. I said, ‘We have to get back to the house, we have been here for three and half hours. I have to get ready, our dinner reservations are at seven and we are not going to miss that.’ By the time we got to the house, I got my shower taken and my clothes changed, it was six o’clock. It was a half an hour drive to the restaurant. We all needed a drink and John fixed us one, in fact, he fixed us two. After the second drink it was six-thirty. We decided to take my car which had a back seat. I didn’t want to crunch up my dress in the front seat of a pickup. John drove, Myron sat in the back behind me. We arrived at the restraint right on time, we walked in the music was already playing. The hostess seated us in the back.
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