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I'm trapped by the window display for a ladies wear chainstore, intent on the latest collection of dresses I long for, but willnever wear. I stare at my watch, tap my foot and look impatient, asthough I am waiting for some fickle female inside to decide what shewants. I live alone though, I always have. I was too tied up inside tosettle down with a woman I would always have seen as a god.A group of teenage girls clutching plastic bags giggle their way out andenvy each one of them; their bad skin and poor make up, their plumpthighs and over-dyed hair, their unconscious feminine grace and beauty,their lives I will never know.I start screaming again - I want to be a woman, I want to have breastsand stretch marks, I want to worry about equal pay and sexualharassment, I want to have bad hair days and visible panty lines, I wantspread my legs for a man, to find out whether I like the taste of cum, Iwant to have periods and split ends, I want to agonise about what towear, about the make up. And please, the moment you are clear, call Kimberly. Make a play date. I don't mind if she makes use of you. In fact, I expect a full report back. With details!” My Mistress smiled at me as though any explicit stories might actually thrill her a bit. Which kind of thrilled me.“Yes, Mistress.” Well, there it was, official permission to stray, in triplicate. I should have been pleased, but it bothered me. A touch of jealousy would have made me feel possessed. But with Sheila, I should have known better. Sheila was never the jealous sort. I was free to meet Kimberly.Social isolation was, as expected, boring. I made extensive lesson plans and communicating by Skype with the substitute they had arranged. I wrote volumes on my students and sent them on. My sub's name was a Heidi, middle-aged and curvy with a happy face and long dark hair. She was nice and interested, but I think I drove her a bit nuts with worry.She seemed sincere, but they were my kids. I was afraid they wouldn't learn.
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