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And then I threw it all away. I stood, wanting to run back, and the train left. It left without my heart and soul on it.I had no idea what I'd done.I'd woken up from a dream where my attacker had killed Maxie. Again. And he hadn't been there. I'd wanted to hold onto his body, let the warmth of him wash the dream away and he hadn't been there. It had been damned selfish of me, and I'd panicked. Regardless of that, I knew I was a reprehensible little shit for walking out on him.He didn't pick up his phone, and after I'd tried once, the shame of what I'd done stopped me from trying again. He wasn't home all week, and mum had found the hole in the wall and filled it with expanding foam.Maxie wasn't in school, and then I wasn't.The closer I had gotten to Maxie, the fewer the nightmares had become, but when they'd come they had been awful. Now I dreamt every night. And they were not the same dreams as before.Maxie was walking away. I ran after him through a brown desert landscape, but no. "I was not!" You were. You're getting all defensive because you got caught." Hecouldn't even conceal his amusement now."Whatever."We ate in silence for a while. Eventually he looked up at me, allsmiles. "Why don't you go talk to her?" What?" Yeah, go over and talk to her," he said, putting his fork down andpeering into my eyes. I could have sworn he was daring me to go and talkto the girl.I couldn't believe it."Don't be such a girl," he teased. "Besides, maybe we could sandwich youbetween us," he said, breaking into soft laughter again."What?" 'Mike' never ceases to amaze me. "No!" Oh come on! Don't tell me you're never thought about a little two-on-one action," he said, lowering his voice suggestively and leaning overto get closer to me.I continued eating in silence, pretending to be totally ignoring her.But, of course I have thought about it. About 'Mike' and some otherwoman humping me into eternity. I've thought about it on many occasions.But Michelle was more than enough woman for.
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