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”“Dada kiss Aunt Bethany?” Jesse giggled.“No, you little turkey! I will NOT kiss Aunt Bethany!”“What’s wrong with a kiss?” Nora asked innocently.All four of us started laughing hard.“Mom, that’s Jesse’s way of asking if Steve and I are going to have sex!”“What? He’s four! What does he know about sex?”“More than you might think,” Bethany giggled. “He is Steve and Jennifer’s son, after all! And you know that Steve is very open about things like that.”“But with a four-year-old?”“With all the kids,” I said. “We don’t hide the fact that people have sex. We don’t do it in front of them, obviously, but they know it happens.”Or, I thought but didn’t say, in Jesse’s case, he had SPIED on me having sex with his babysitter!“And Jesse thinks you would have sex with my daughter?”“What Jesse thinks has no bearing on reality,” I said. “Bethany and I are close, intimate friends. Friends. And that’s as far as it goes.”“But you two sleep together.”“Yes, mom,” Bethany said, obviously suppressing a sigh. He was the only one who understood that I was feeling the same kind of pain. True, she wasn’t my mother, but she had been my friend for years, the one adult who talked to me like I wasn’t some stupid kid. I loved her, and I missed her.So we grieved together and we healed together. I didn’t understand it then, but I fell in love with him.I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I was eleven, and too young to know what love is. And maybe you’re right, except that I think an eleven year old can love her parents, and her siblings, and her dog. So why can’t she love her adopted father too?I still went to her house, and she still came to mine, and time passed, and eventually that big, fancy place they had seemed almost normal without Mrs. C in it. And that feeling I had for Mr. C. kind of sank deep into my bones.He never did anything wrong. Not back then. He hugged me, but they were just hugs. Sometimes he kissed me on top of my head, but so did my aunt and uncle and who knows how many.
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