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Changing the subject, she asked, ‘How did you settle on the name Brook?’ ‘Well, I didn’t like ocean, and stream wouldn’t do. I thought of pond, but it reminded me too much of that cold cream, minus the S, of course.’ Solace replied in mock seriousness. ‘Sol, you are so crazy!’ ‘I’m crazy? I’m not the one who left me.’ The words spilled out of Solace’s mouth before she could stop them. She felt her cheeks begin to burn. Again, she had blurted out words that were probably best left unspoken. Well, she would just have to wait. Stung, Rosanna stood for a few seconds absorbing the blow. She placed the baby back in Solace’s arms. ‘Sol, I…I’m sorry. I don’t know how I could have done that to you.’ ‘I don’t know either, but I do know that I can’t go through that again. I won’t. You’re going to have to decide whether you are able to make a commitment or not, Sanna. It’s going to hurt like hell, but if you can’t, I’ll have to go on without you,’ Solace said, a lump the size of a boulder. " Surely you discussed with these doctors what happened with you and your father."She laughed bitterly. "As soon as a new shrink started zeroing in on First Causes, that's about the only thing we ever did talk about!" Well then, didn't it ever get through to you, talking to them, that you were just a goddamned victim? That what your father did to you wasn't your fault? Jesus, you were just a little kid!" It got through to me. Hell, I didn't need a psychologist to tell me my father was a perv who took advantage of his own daughter. I knew that, even when it was happening. The first time it ever happened, even." So, when the experts told you that you weren't to blame, why couldn't you accept that?" I knew I wasn't to blame for my father's coming in to my bed and ... doing the things he did. They'd keep telling me that, the shrinks, but I already knew. But then I'd try to explain to them how it had been, and they'd just ... they'd just get it wrong, over and over again. Because they had.
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