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But, that wasn’t all bad, either. I was not in a hurry to venture anywhere near another serious relationship, but I became increasingly aware of other needs, needs that my husband had satisfied with another woman or women other than me. And, that seemed, somehow, to make my needs more intense and demanding. But the internal quandary of wanting to experience the sexual excitement I had been denied all those years, but avoiding the trap of another relationship, made the process of discovery more difficult than I imagined.His hand reached across the table and touched mine lightly. “As much as I am sorry you experienced all that, I am honored that you shared it with me. You were an anomaly to me when you showed up for the interview. There were certainly other women who were more experienced … hell, experienced at all …” We both laughed, we both knew I came to him with almost no experience to show for myself. “There was something about you, though. I am pretty good about my. It might take some time, years in fact, but don’t lock yourself out of the possibility of something in the future with her.”“But if that’s because I was her first love, what about Cathy and me? She was my first love.”“Was she? Or maybe it was really Lori, as your first love. Think about that.”“But Cathy was the first ... wait a minute, what you’re suggesting was that it was just a twist of circumstance that it was Cathy I started going out with, and it could just as easily been Lori? I guess that makes sense ... that might have solved so many problems, if only I hadn’t started to go out with Cathy, at the end of forth form ... but gone out with Lori, yeah, that’s starting to make sense. That would have saved so much heartache.”“Don’t fall into the trap of thinking about hypotheticals, ‘what ifs’,” she said. “Things like that are too easy to give you the answer that you think you wanted. But life is far more complex, far messier that allowing you to change just one event, one thing.
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