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The solution was in the lonely hearts section of the local newspaper which I scoured and after making a few dead-end runs which resulted in no more than a dinner and a handshake I found a very unusual advert which was asking for a man with good table manners to escort a lady to formal functions. The phone call seemed to go very well and we decided to meet at a local restaurant of my choice that turned out to be only a couple of miles from this lady’s house. This was the point where I was heavily quizzed about my social standing, upbringing and so on. I must have passed the test as I was invited to have dinner with her at her house the following Saturday with her doing the cooking. Her two somewhat grown up k**s were to be present for dinner and I thought that this was not going to lead anywhere. But nothing lost I put on a decent suit and tie and went over at about 7:30pm and was let in to a medium size house that was nicely decorated. I had brought two bottles of wine and put the. Nearly all my pals had gone off to the front before me, they’d beaten me to it and had sailed out on the crest of a joyous wave of patriotism, surrounded by flag waving and cheers. All except poor Samuel Bragg and he didn’t count seeing as he wasn’t a pal, he wasn’t quite ‘right’. Poor old Sammy couldn’t even keep his britches on, showing his dick to the girls as simple minded as he was and was the butt of all the kids’ jokes, but right then, right at that very moment I envied Sammy’s life. At least he wasn’t going off to probably get killed, to have his napper shot off by old Fritzy boy. Oh no, Sammy would more than likely be trotting round the town in his clogs and bare arse for the next sixty or seventy years – lucky bugger. I shook off my cloak of glumness. I had to act happy at least, even if I did feel like the world was about to end, which was a very real possibility at least as far as my individual status within it was concerned. I sighed once and set off down the familiar.
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