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We had a fine circle of friends.I thought nothing could spoil my happiness.When I was 44 things began to change. I guess it was a version of a midlife crisis, and it took several weeks to coalesce; but when it did, I was consumed.I wanted to know about who came before me.I tried to ask her, in several clumsy ways. Either she did not get it, or she shut me out. Nothing would get her to open up.Finally one evening I was particularly peevish. I had been picking fights for several evenings, but this one evening I was really a prick. (I relate this not to justify my actions, nor to elicit sympathy; I'm merely facing what I did.)Finally she said, "Dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?"She never swore. I had hit the right nerve, but it left me feeling too guilty. For reasons I don't understand, I simply sat in my easy chair and wept.She seemed genuinely horrified. She knelt at my side and said, "Baby, please, I love you, what's wrong?"I composed myself as best I could, and said, "I'm. He was a thoroughly unprepossessing specimen. Perhaps 6-feet tall, he was rather heavy-set. "Baby-faced" is rather trite, but it did apply. Brown hair, mustache and goatee did not help. He wore evening dress not well at all.I supposed he would be brushed off as easily as the others who had vied for the lady's attentions, but remarkably, he was not. He sat, he spoke, she replied. He rose and took her glass and returned with an entire bottle of the expensive champagne. He poured, they chatted, and time unwound slowly as the train began the climb into the Cascades, the long, winding, struggling climb from near sea level high into the clouds.The cap to the evening was when she turned to face him fully and smiled. This was not just the winsome smile she had rewarded me with earlier. No, this was the fullness of her womanhood, the opening of the steam locomotive firebox (perhaps not the most romantic image but apropos to our means of travel), a bright and potentially searing beauty that.
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