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But you’ve never made a move. I can tell that you're nervous. We've established a fragile friendship at best and neither of us want to ruin it. You can forgive my drunk texts asking you to come over. We ignore them in each other's company. But it's getting to the point where making eye contact with you is too much. I'm worried if I look too long, you'll see how much I want you. We sit on the couch watching a movie, like always. Your hand is firmly planted between us. Some time has passed, and we've settled into our positions on the couch. My heart races as I calculate the risk. I take your hand in my hands and start kissing your fingers one by one. At first, I kiss the tips of your fingers, but then I move slowly down your fingers to the rest of your hand. I suck on your fingers one by one. You close your eyes and I hear your breath catch. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. You move your hand to cup the back of my head, finally looking into my eyes. You search for a. And that if he didn’t I would take the bull by the horns and do it myself. At least I hoped I could summon the courage, thoughts of rejection seemed to permanently lurk in my mind even though I doubted he would say no. I waited a week, until we were having a phone conversation, a fairly new development, and at a rare break in the conversation, I blurted out that I thought we should hang out. My heart was beating super fast and the seconds it took him to reply felt a like a million years. The ‘sure’ he replied was said in a casual but cheerful way and relief immediately flooded my brain. The tone of the conversation took on an excited one as we made plans to have dinner at the end of the week. After that we would play it by ear, see what we felt like doing. It was perfect. So here I was, waiting on pins and needles, for his arrival. It had been a while since optimism had ruled my life and I was enjoying the feeling immensely. Even though I knew him fairly well, I felt like this was.
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