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The immolation of my body turned into a major conflagration; the kind that threw caution to the wind and provoked the animal within. It felt distant, as if I was ten years younger and a hint of Marianne’s naked body would send me wild with lust.I watched porn, a lot of it; this was visceral, live from the flat opposite. Heart racing, in the silence, the rush of Marianne’s shallow breaths added to the frisson of excitement. It is amazing how you can know someone for ten years, married for five and right now, not know them at all. We met at university, young, idealistic, neither of us had much experience, I loved her, and I still did. Marianne, cool as a cucumber, always so demure, the first to eschew adventure, and the last to do anything beyond her routine. Never a hint of being a voyeur, straight as an arrow in her sexuality and she gorged herself on this spectacle.“You enjoying this?” I had to know, I had to know she felt like I did.“Mmm,” she purred, “this is filthy, I can’t. Put in drawer and forget past years, no I not forget, and you too I think.’ No I don’t forget those years,’ I replied. This led on to talk of our late partners, the grief we experienced at their loss, and the loneliness that came with that grief. She said, ‘I hear that many men not eat properly when they lose wife, you cook?’ I grinned and said, ‘Well, after a fashion. In fact I’d better be going because I’ve got to get my evening meal ready.’ With considerable enthusiasm Jessica said, ‘Aha, you not let me pay so I know what I do. This evening you stay here and I cook for you. I cook well, before I retire I work in Malaysian restaurant preparing meals. You stay, you like?’ The idea of someone else cooking for me had a strong appeal, but I said, ‘Yes, I like, but I have to feed Arthur.’ ‘Arthur, you have son or friend live with you?’ ‘No,’ I laughed, ‘Arthur is my cat, we didn’t have any children, but Doris really loved Arthur.’ Jessica looked sad and said, ‘I too have no children. My.
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