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)It wasn’t a happy time. Happiness essentially came in 50-minute bursts, when Chad was out drinking or showing off his Fast & Furious-mobile, and I was able to catch an episode of Star Trek without having to hear about “that stupid nerd stuff” I like.People who have jobs that involve a lot of stress and putting themselves outside their comfort zones do a thing called compartmentalization; essentially becoming a different person to handle those situations. It’s how a lawyer can defend a Charles Manson or Leonard Whyte, or a hospice nurse can watch four families lose Gramma in one shift, and neither of them go home and blow their heads off at the end of the day. Between the diner and Chad, I had started taking it to an unhealthy level. I wasn’t allowed to be me, I didn’t go by Susan then. I went by one of the three names Chad would call me depending on what was expected of me right then.As Helen described it once, a guy like Chad can only perceive women in one of three ways: Bitch,. ‘Julie! I’m back!’ He throws his arms in the air, like he always does when he’s glad to see someone. ‘Hi Mike, it’s good to see you! Did you have a good time?’ ‘Julie, the Fourth of July is coming!’ ‘Yes, I know. Would you like to help us decorate the day room?’ ‘Good-bye, Mike! I’ll see you in two weeks,’ Mom says. But Mike doesn’t hear his mother. He’s forgotten about his brother. The handles of his chair are wrenched from my hands as he pushes himself forward to meet Julie. * * * * * * * * * * Mom talked all the way home. I sit and stare out the window while she chats on and on about how much better he is now when he goes back to Fairview. ‘Did you see how happy he was, once he got back to his ward? They told us he would be happier there, once he got used to his new environment. But he still likes to come home and have a nice dinner with everyone…and the Fourth is coming up…and then all the birthdays…Terry’s and yours…and then his…and Jackie and then there’s the grandkids’ coming.
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