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My body was on the curvier end of things; my Latina heritage gave me full hips and breasts. I sighed, remembering the silly times when I had wanted to be just like all the other girls. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, picked up the load of laundry I needed to wash, and headed to the laundry room in the basement of the dormitory. Entering the laundry room, I tried to turn on the lights but sighed in frustration when the room remained cast in darkness. Thousands of dollars in tuition and yet the school couldn’t even replace a damn light bulb? Despite the dim lighting and dark room, I still needed to get my laundry done. Muttering to myself about the inconvenience, I went to work, sorting through the colors and separating the loads. I emptied the detergent and fabric softener into the right machine slots and turned on the washer. Just then I heard the steps of another person entering the room. “Jean, how nice to see you,” a voice whispered behind me. Every syllable, every word was. She must have sensed the love and fascination in my eyes. Years later I realized she was deliberately seducing me -- using feminine beauty and charm to weaken my masculine identity.Once, after seductively applying layer after layer of shiny red lipstick, she turned toward me and said, "Would you like to try it, sweetie? Wear lipstick like mommy? Just for fun, honey. It'd make mommy so happy."She noticed my puzzlement and confusion. On the one hand, I was a boy and boys don't wear lipstick. On the other hand, I adored my mother. She was so beautiful. I wanted to please her and be just like her. Still, I was a boy."No, mom," I replied, "lipstick's for girls, not boys." Don't be silly," mother responded. "Don't you think I know that? I'm not saying you should wear it all the time, or outside, or to school. Just here, darling. Just for fun. Just for mommy. To make her happy. Please, honey? I'd love to see how you'd look. I bet you'd be darling."I paused. All at once mother's smile was.
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