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I have to admit to being drawn back to him at that point but not sure if it was his illness or because I still wanted him, we met up and chatted and after he had gone I took the decision to keep my distance because if the worst happened I would be mortified.Last week I got a text from him asking if I was ok as he was thinking about me. I replied I always thought about him and he rang me and all the old feelings came back.I had always said to him if he ever needed me he knew where I was and I meant it.During the chat with Paul on the Friday night, after I had told him he didn’t want to be with his girlfriend because if he did he would commit, he had asked me what my story was and I told him about Dean, about how he was the only person I had loved in a long time, how I would always be there for him and finally how I would give up anything for him.I stood back afterwards as I had shocked myself, I didn’t know those feelings were in there so deep until they all spilled out.As fate would. She wanted kids and she knew I wanted kids very much, and she just felt terrible about it. No matter how much I consoled her, kissed her and cuddled with her, we never had sex again. We went and talked to councilors and specialists and discussed our options, and even discussed adopting. Jill decided to fly home and visit her parents, think about it, have some mother-daughter talks, etc. We talked on the phone every day, and things seemed as good as could be expected. Two weeks went by, almost as in slow motion. Time dragged. Other than work, I tried to keep busy. I doubled my time at the gym, going 6 days a week instead of 3, and I lost two pounds. On the positive side, hints of a 6-pack appeared, my biceps and triceps got bigger, and my legs got much stronger. We still talked every day. She mostly talked about how nice the weather was. I took the hint (I thought it was, really) and started looking for a job in the Fresno/Clovis area. Jill announced that shed torn up her knee.
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