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Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...”This is compliments of J & BJust some DEEP thoughts for 2017• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.• The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”• The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday .... She needed to buy some vegetables, as Miranda tended to go for meat and pasta when she brought lunch but used to forget about salad. She picked a few ripe and soft plum tomatoes, two onions, and was just about to reach for a yummy looking head of lettuce when somebody bumped into her side."Sorry," They both said simultaneously, the other voice sounding young and melodic, and somehow familiar. She turned towards its owner, but didn’t immediately recognize her. The girl was a bit smaller than her, and lithe, wearing a yellow one-piece mini dress and had - at this moment, her mind creaked to a standstill - short, dark brown hair with blonde highlights. She could also see recognition in the girl’s eyes.Then the girl smiled brightly. "Oh, so good to finally meet you. I’m Lisa, Lisa Briggs, your new neighbor."Helen automatically reached for the proffered hand and shook it. "Helen," she managed to croak, "Helen Sanders." She waited for the ground to open up and swallow her, but, of course,.
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