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Four undiluted glasses is all the bottle contains and it isn’t enough to either cleanse my palate or absolve my sins. Forgetfulness, oblivion, mind numbing drunken emptiness is beyond what I deserve yet is so attainable with just another bottle. Somewhere I have a coat and a purse and a bag. Wobbling precariously atop my slender heels I set off in search of all three.I can feel her eyes on me as I clatter about my suddenly alien living space. Mocking me, pitying me, comparing her joyous life as Manet’s wife to my own empty, twisted, pointless existence; and with every step I feel her haughty perfection weighing down on my bowed head and inconsequential shoulders. I find my coat and fling it over my nakedness; find my bag complete with all my daily survival kit scattered chaotically amongst its compartments; and ready, complete once more, I turn to confront the face of Suzanne Manet starring down at me.“Je ne vaux rien, Suzanne. Je ne suis qu’une pute, une salope, une dévergondée; une. They asked what was I going to do and I told them about getting my degree at Uni. Maggie also stated that she wanted a degree too, but mum said that she may have to forget about the second semester because the baby would be nearly born then.We talked into the night and later Maggie and I went to our separate beds, not venturing out in case our parents hit the roof again. The next morning I got up met Maggie in the hallway and gave her a quick kiss. Dad saw us and told us to come downstairs. Once down in the kitchen dad said that he and mum had thought it over and decided that Maggie would have the baby. That when she was nearly 6 months she would go to Aunty May’s place and have the baby at the private hospital there. Aunty May was dad sister, and he sometimes went over and visited with her. Then they said something that astonished me. They told us once the baby was born Maggie could return home, with the baby, and that I had to help her rear the child, as I was the father. Maggie.
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