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Praise Capitalism!We all took seats around the table as a chisled, oily guy in a red Speedo and a cowboy hat gyrated on the stage overhead. His package bulged out of the front of the Speedo and I was convinced he had to have it padded with socks or something. Had to be.The girls immediately started cat calling and whistling, dollar bills waving in the air which attracted the attention of Mr. Hottie McHotstuff, or whatever his silly stage name was. I sat in the seat furthest from the stage and turned my attention to my phone to look at anything but guy flesh.Mr. Spraytan eventually showed up at our table with a shirtless six-pack and cut-off jean shorts to take our drink order; him I couldn’t ignore. His name tag said he was “Rodney.”“Hello, sir, ladies, what would you all like to drink?” he asked. He was pleasant and charming, his voice confident but polite. And it made me hate him all the more. Isn’t there some sort of health code against serving food and drinks shirtless? If not,. Is Nan Baker there? ‘Just a minute.’ [background] ‘Nan, there’s this dreamy voice on the phone for you. (giggle)’ ‘Hello. This is Nan.’ ‘Nan, this is Jack Williams. I met you at Bobby’s Parent-Teacher Night.’ ‘Yes, I remember you. What can I do for you Mr., sorry it’s Major isn’t it, Major Williams.’ She was talking to me as if I were her father. Maybe this was a mistake. She had just been friendly, not flirting at all. Oh well, why waste a phone call without trying. ‘If we could get from Major Williams to just Jack, I’d like to take you to dinner Saturday night.’ ‘Well, Just Jack, that would be very nice. I’d like to go to dinner with you.’ ‘Why don’t I pick you up about seven? Maybe afterwards we’ll drive to the Reflecting Pool and cheer the submarine races.’ ‘If you’re in the Army, wouldn’t that be cheering for the wrong team?’ ‘Nah. My grandfather was in the Coast Artillery during World War II. I’ll just shoot at any submarine I see. I will need directions to your place though.’.
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