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...... I wanna call it despair? I mean it'a not that bad, but i can't really think of anything else to call it so let's just call it despair. That creeping feeling of despair come over me again.I have been doing this for years now, get home, eat some shitty dinner, watch some shitty shows, go to sleep, wake up and jerk off, eat a shitty breakfeast, repeat. And then soon enough i would get a apartment, met a slightly above average girl, marry her, pump out two to three brats, buy a house, and then die.And i didn't want to do that, i want my life to be fun, and special, not just boring, and normal. But whatever, it doesn't matter i shouldn't even be down in the dumps about this. There are people that are fighting tooth and nail just to get by, and here i am bitching about my life not being special enough. I go upstairs to go to sleep, it was a bit early for that but it doesn't matter. I just want to get this day over with.I close my eyes, and get ready for sleep. But sadly something was. As a teenager in college and university I did some crazy stuff that still haunt me and I may even say I regret. An ex-boyfriend turned out to be a psycho when I dumped him and he blackmailed me into doing stuff I still regret. I felt so trapped and vulnerable; I didn’t think I could turn to anyone. Eventually I got help and got out the crazy situation but its left me with serious trust issues. Sometimes I get scared these things may come back to haunt me and ruin things for me but so far so good! Let’s hope it stays that way. Fingers crossed! James’s story Dreading my 30th birthday I’ve become a party animal trying to drink away the pain of a failed love affair with who I thought was the love of my life. I’d known her my whole life and I always thought I would marry her. From the age of 7 I was in love. Short, cute and with a dimple on her right cheek I couldn’t stop starring at her. Blonde with blue eyes of course - even to this day I love them. As we grew up she began to become.
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