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Maybe this blessing, this longing for life, will become my final curse as living will now be reduced to nothing more than inflicting or receiving pain at the hands of others living in this same realm of Hell.If so, what in the world did I do, in the real world, to warrant such drastic punishment? How could a loving God condemn me to such a demented existence? How could he possibly permit any of his creation to undergo pain and torture to this degree, in this unending and eternal fashion?Why has God forsaken me?There are more questions than answers running through my head, and each one is more morbid than the last. I’d heard countless sermons preached, in my lifetime, on the dangers of Hell. Each with the same theme; how God didn’t desire to send anyone to the Lake of Fire, but His hand would be forced to if we didn’t repent and believe.I thought it all bullshit, until today.Fuck, why didn’t I pay more attention in church? I could have taken the Bible more seriously, but honestly all. When I looked in the mirror,my only reaction was Damn! I didn't look bad as a girl, but that dresswould have to go, that's for sure!I had committed no crime, had not breeched her trust in any way, yettaking the word of a stranger, she believed that I had done just that,and as a punishment, I was made to dress that way. I was taken to thefamilyroom where mom took some pictures of me, then I was taken by car tothe person that had accused me. The woman, when she saw me, almost brokedown in tears, then admitted that another boy had done it, telling methat she was very sorry and all that. Mom gave her what for, and in nouncertain terms demanded that the woman pay for everything I had on, plussomething for me, because I had been humiliated. The woman wrote mom avery generous check, and we left for home. On the way..."I'm sorry honey, I really am, but she sounded so sure it was you!" I told you where I was, and you didn't even check!" I was angry."No...the very first thing you did was.
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